Do You Want To Play With Me?

I feel guilty saying this but I cringe every time my daughter comes to me and asks: "do you want to play with me?" Before you get disgusted with me, let me explain why. My daughter is now three and years before we had her I worked really hard to build my own businesses so I would be able to work from home once we had children. I wanted to be home with them and spend quality time with them and I feel that somewhere along the way I lost my way.

One of my businesses has become super successful and with a few other successful ventures I am a very busy person. I spend my day making orders, packaging orders, responding to emails, marketing, etc. I do all of this from home so my daughter doesn't need to be in daycare. Problem is I am not really "home" with her. I am too preoccupied with work to spend much quality time with her during the day.

She can possibly spend hours playing in her room or watching her fave TV shows but there are other days where she wants me to play with her all day. She has no siblings so I am sure she gets lonely but I have work to get done. Genuine work. Inevitably I need to give in at times and when I do I feel like I am not truly present in the moment because the post office is closing in two hours and I still have three orders to finish. I am internally freaking out.

I do have a lot of late nights so I can do things with her during the day at times but sometimes the work needs to be done during the day, whether it be an important email that needs to be answered or needing to finish something to get to the post office that day. I feel horrible every time I need to answer "Do you want to play with me?" with "later honey" or "I have work to do."

In September I plan on her going to nursery school for more days and longer hours so at least those days she has lots of time to play with other children and mommy can use those days to work my booty off so the days she's home I can play with her more. I am also contemplating getting a mommy's helper for the summer at least for a few days a week. My helper's only job will be to play with Liv and keep her happy.

I never knew working from home with little ones would be such a struggle in so many ways from constantly being interrupted to constantly feeling guilty. It certainly is a balancing act I have yet to perfect. Maybe for the next one. xoxo

A Motherless Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day without my mom and I was sure I was going to boycott the holiday completely. Walking around stores and seeing Mother's Day displays and all the Mother's Day commercials have really made me angry these past few weeks. Although I am a mom, the person I celebrated for the past 33 years is no longer here so in my mind there was no reason to celebrate. I was sure I was going to spend the day alone and in tears feeling sorry for myself.

A few days ago I came to the realization that it would be selfish to be miserable on Mother's Day. My mom wouldn't want that, she would want me to celebrate the fact that I am a mom. And I realized just because my mom is no longer here doesn't mean she can no longer be celebrated. We can still honor her and remember the 33 years of memories we did have together.

Mother's Day was always when we would kick off our family barbecue season so I decided we would have a barbecue on Sunday. We can keep the tradition going. Part of my decision to have the barbecue is a bit selfish; I figured it would be a great distraction from the profound sadness I know will be in my heart that day. Having family and friends around plus catering to our guests will keep my mind somewhat occupied.

Sunday is sure to be difficult and I am sure a good amount of tears will be shed but being alone isn't going to make things better or bring her back. I am going to try my best to celebrate her and hope she is there looking down on me with a smile on her face. Happy Mother's Day Mom!!! I miss you more than I could ever express. I love you!!! xoxo

What I Want To Do For Mother's Day

What do I want to do for Mother's Day? NOTHING. You read that right, absolutely nothing. I don't want to have to shower and find clothes that look decent on me, argue with my three year old to get dressed and have to rush everyone and be the bad guy because I am the only one who seems to be running on time. It's all the daily grind stress that I don't want. For one day, I want to be able to sit still and just be.

In actuality we will be having a BBQ at my house for family and my husband swears he will do all the work and he's a great guy and I'm sure he'll try but inevitably I'll be needing to cater to guests as well. I'll also need to clean for this shindig. I'm messy especially working from home and having to have the place in good shape for Sunday means a very stressful Saturday for me. I'll need to be showered and dressed and argue with Liv to do the same. Don't get me wrong, this is a better solution than going out for me and then racing to see Joe's mom as well and also having to worry about what we are doing with my dad but it still won't be relaxing. I'm sure it will be fun, it always is but once again it won't really be about me having time to relax.

All I want to do is sit home in pajamas, not need to cater to my daughter and dad and just watch movies and eat junk food all day and not need to worry about another soul. Just have a mindless, relaxing, stress free day. Is that too much to ask? Oh wait, I'm a mom so yes it is. Happy Mother's Day to me......xoxo

Unspoken - Cain Talent's 2015 Disability Film Challenge Entry

Cain Talent recently participated in The Disability Film Challenge with their short film "Unspoken." The film challenge's purpose was to give disabled film makers exposure and lets their stories be told.

When I first watched Cain Talent's entry I didn't know anything about the rules and vaguely knew that the theme had something to do with disabilities. As I watched "Unspoken" I found myself thinking "I thought this was supposed to be about someone with a disability." It wasn't until the very end that it was revealed that the object of the young boy's affection was actually deaf.

I thought this was brilliantly thought out because the film appeared to be about young love, which it was, but it also showed misunderstanding that we learn was due to this young girls' disability. The fact that this piece of information wasn't told right away really shows how so many times there may be a miscommunication due to something that may not be understood right away. We all need to truly try and comprehend a situation before jumping to conclusions.

The boy played by Isaac Galizio and the deaf girl played by Lilianna LaVirtu did a great job bringing me back to childhood and the years of young crushes. Aiden Markowitz as the voice of the young boy narrating the film, did a good job conveying the boy's innocent frustration in trying to win the young girl's attention.

This short film certainly put a smile on my face and made me excited to see future shorts by Cain Talent Short Films. You can check it out below!!

6 Things I've Learned From CSI and Law & Order

I have an unhealthy obsession with crime shows. Currently binge watching CSI and Law & Order: SVU. I feel like I've learned so much through these shows. Here's a short list of a few lessons I've learned.  And I have a feeling there will be more lists coming soon.

1- Apparently you can murder someone and not spend your entire life in prison.
Don't worry your pretty little heads I would never kill anyone, the thought never crosses my mind but apparently the consequences aren't as severe as you are made to believe when growing up. I was made to think that if you killed someone you would either get the death penalty or spend your entire life in prison. In these shows depending on the circumstances and your priors you can do only a few years or get out on probation. Many an episode is about a released convict who goes back to their bad ways. How are these "f-ers" getting out?

2- It's easy to get away with murder.
No murder weapon? No body? Hard to put someone away under those circumstances. Of course the CSIs always find a way but it's with crazy testing which I've learned a lot of "that testing" doesn't even exist in real life. Study these shows and how criminals get away before committing your next crime. Joking...I'm joking...

3- Never let anyone in your home.
Don't just open the door without looking at who is out there. So many times on these shows the victim just opens the door without seeing who is out there. People will just open the door for someone with a black mask (because they didn't look) or perps are often dressed as utility workers or even cops. Talk to all these folks through the door until you without a doubt can be sure they are who they say.

4- When attacked, scratch and yank the hair out of that "mo-fo."
If I am murdered that son of a "b" is going to prison. I'm getting their DNA under my nails and having hair chunks in my hand all ready for the CSIs.

5- Never stop for the "dead" or injured body in the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere.
This trick has been used by criminals on several shows. They lay in the middle of the road and the unsuspecting housewife gets out of the car to see if the "victim" is alright and next thing they know they are the ones being abducted or carjacked at gunpoint. Call the cops but don't investigate yourself.

6- When you have the upper hand, make sure your attacker is down for the count.
This is referring to those victims who manage to get free, grab a pip or whatever and hit their attacker who then falls to the ground. The victims almost always make the biggest mistake here and just run. NOOO!! Finish the f-in job once they are down keep hitting them with that pipe until you know they aren't getting up for a very long time if not ever. If you don't they'll be back on their feet in seconds and get you!

There you have it. Some very important info whether you are a criminal or potential victim. You're welcome! What have these shows taught you?

Off The Grid

Hey friends!! Miss me?! I've been absent for a week and it feels like an eternity. This wasn't planned but sometimes you need to take a break, go off the grid and get caught up on life. I was overwhelmed with orders after the publicity my shop got that I was completely consumed with completing the orders in a timely fashion. Everything had to be put on hold including my blog.

I did manage to take one day off this week and go on a day trip with the hubby and Liv. We drove out east to Montauk and had a great day. It was therapeutic and I needed that. Although, I did have moments of sadness thinking of how my mom and dad took my sister and I on trips to Montauk quite frequently when we were younger.

We walked along a rock path along the back of the Montauk Lighthouse. Liv was such a trooper and felt so accomplished that she "rock climbed." Here are a few photos from our walk around the lighthouse.

As you can see it was great escape for the day. I now hope to be back with a vengeance blogging everyday. Talk to you all tomorrow!! xoxo

My Brand Is Getting Kind Of Famous

I know I have been talking about my shop, Hole In Her Stocking a lot lately but some big things have been happening and I am so excited. I may have been exaggerating in my post title saying my brand is famous but it had it's "30 seconds" and I'm going to do everything I can to capitalize off that. Entrepreneur mode on.

I have mentioned before that my bracelets were going to be going into celebrity swag bags at the GBK MTV Movie Awards Gift Lounge in association with the Artisan group and I have a few photos I wanted to share.

I absolutely adore the photo above of Paige Hurd from Hawaii Five-0 wearing my white bar wrap bracelet. Looks great on her!!

And how cool is this photo of Dylan Gelula from The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt checkin out that same bracelet?!

As if all this wasn't enough excitement my shop was featured on the "What's Trending With Carla Marie" on the nationally syndicated Elvis Duran Morning Show!! Almost immediately the orders started flooding in. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind and I couldn't be more excited.

Of course I needed a screenshot of my bracelets front and center on The Elvis Duran website!!

Now I'm buried in orders and will be working in my own sweatshop to get all these orders pumped out but I suppose that's a good problem to have. After getting caught up it will be time to brainstorm more ways to get my brand out there and take over the world. Heehee...xoxo