A Motherless Mother's Day

This is my first Mother's Day without my mom and I was sure I was going to boycott the holiday completely. Walking around stores and seeing Mother's Day displays and all the Mother's Day commercials have really made me angry these past few weeks. Although I am a mom, the person I celebrated for the past 33 years is no longer here so in my mind there was no reason to celebrate. I was sure I was going to spend the day alone and in tears feeling sorry for myself.

A few days ago I came to the realization that it would be selfish to be miserable on Mother's Day. My mom wouldn't want that, she would want me to celebrate the fact that I am a mom. And I realized just because my mom is no longer here doesn't mean she can no longer be celebrated. We can still honor her and remember the 33 years of memories we did have together.

Mother's Day was always when we would kick off our family barbecue season so I decided we would have a barbecue on Sunday. We can keep the tradition going. Part of my decision to have the barbecue is a bit selfish; I figured it would be a great distraction from the profound sadness I know will be in my heart that day. Having family and friends around plus catering to our guests will keep my mind somewhat occupied.

Sunday is sure to be difficult and I am sure a good amount of tears will be shed but being alone isn't going to make things better or bring her back. I am going to try my best to celebrate her and hope she is there looking down on me with a smile on her face. Happy Mother's Day Mom!!! I miss you more than I could ever express. I love you!!! xoxo